Angry in the Great White North

Lining up the top of the line ships, ignoring the older vessels.

Canadian naval forces: twelve Halifax Class frigates.

A57mm Bofors Mk2 main gun. Four torpedo tubes. A complement of 8 Harpoon surface-to-surface missles. A Phalanx Close-in Weapons System (CIWS) for anti-missile defense. Towed Nixie decoy for anti-torpedo defense. Sea Sparrows (16 in 2 8-round launchers) for anti-aircraft defense. Speed 28 knots. Range of 9500 nautical miles at 13 knots. Displacement 4750 tons. Crew of 180.

Danish naval forces: four Thetis class frigates.

Three main guns (1 76mm Otobreda, 20mm Oerlikons), no torpedoes, no missiles. 2 Sea Gnat anti-missile chaff launchers. Speed 22 knots. Range 8300 nautical miles. Displacement 3500 tons. Crew of 60.

Lucky for the Danes we'll negotiate until we're blue in the face, and probably give the island away along with a complementary case of Labatt's Blue to avoid a fight.

To be fair, both sides seem to be satisfied to tweak the other from time to time:

Denmark and Canada maintain good relations despite periodical spats over the island, which can only be reached by boat during mild summers when the ice around it melts.

In 1984, Tom Hoeyem, who was Denmark's minister for Greenland affairs, caused a stir when he raised a Danish flag on the island, buried a bottle of brandy at the base of the flag pole and left a note saying “Welcome to the Danish island.”

Danish navy ships visited in the island in 2002 and 2003.

Canadian soldiers came to Hans Island Maple before Mr. Graham's visit and raised a Canadian flag.

No word on whether the Canadians dug up and took the Danish brandy.

Here's hoping there's no oil under Hans Island.

[Here is a depiction of the "war" that will ensure. Not for the humour impaired.]